Random Thoughts

“Why aren’t any of us still married?”

The question had suddenly caused the roomful of talkative women into total silence. It was the song “Young Love”, by Teena Marie playing in the background that had prompted the question.

I remember back in school When I first laid my eyes on you I saw your smile and knew right then and there You reached out and touched my hand And two became just one person And no one could have stopped our love affair.
It was our usual once a month, "Ladies Night Out." Most of us have known each other for better than twenty-years. In the beginning, we started these once a month soirees' as a way to have a break from the rigors of everyday family life. You know a break from the husband and kids. There were ten of us and we were all married. Mrs. was a title that we all proudly wore.

It was our connection as young wives and mothers that had brought us all together.

We met the third Friday of each month to play bid whist, try out new drinks, listen to music and bemoan the problems of running our respective households. There were three basic rules, no children, no men and you had to bring a dish. If you couldn’t find a babysitter to watch your children, then you couldn’t come. These rules were strictly adhered to. It was a night for us to talk smack over a friendly game of cards, trade recipes and get our drink on. It was heaven.

Fast forward twenty years. It is now 2006 and we still meet the third Friday of every month to play bid. Our tastes in dishes and drinks have become more exotic. Instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we know sample pasta salads and other exotic pasta dishes. The rum and coke has been replaced with appletinis. Sometimes, we even manage to eat at a favorite restaurant before returning home to play our usual game of bid.

Our children are either away at school, old enough to take care of themselves or have simply moved out. One other very important fact to note, none of us are still married.

Now in all fairness, I have to mention that two of the ladies are widows. The rest of us, are now middle-aged divorcees’. The reasons for the divorces are as varied as the women themselves.

Instead of comparing stories about husband with idiosyncrasies that drove us crazy, we now have discussions concerning dating and how hard it is to find a “good” man. We often wonder, “where did we go wrong” and every now and again, we will go off on a tangent about how we were “the good wife.”

In the beginning it was easy to for us to sit there and blame our problems on our husbands, but with age also comes wisdom. Over the course of time and with our new found wisdom, each of us has been forced to take a long hard look in the mirror and see our failings as well.

Very often in life we see the faults of everyone else around us but fail to see the spot in our own eyes. We tend to want to believe that we are always the victim in the situation, but when you are truly honest with yourself, you have to start looking at your world from within.

Now I am in no way trying to excuse the ex-husbands for their mistakes, however, if you think about any situation involving couples, there are always three sides to every story. Hers, his and the truth. No one person is totally responsible for the breakdown of a relationship. Sometimes we find it easier to walk away from the problem than it is to confront it. We don’t want to try to work it out, we just want out.

There are some who say that the increase in the divorce rate can be linked to the implementation of “No fault divorces.” Other say, that even though the overall divorce rate appears to be on the decline, that living together as apposed to marriage is the preferred answer. Still others believe that in days past, there would have been more divorces if woman had had the right to request a divorce.

No matter what the popular opinions are, the fact remain that it has become a rarity for marriages to have the sustainability or the perseverance to go the distance as in years past. Single parent households have become the norm in today’s society. As a result, the face of the family image has gone through a dramatic metamorphys.

One has to stop and ask the question, what direction are we headed in?

No matter. The ten of us will still continue to plan our third Friday of each month friendly game of bid whist. We will maintain our tradition of eating, drinking, playing cards and have our cleansing of the soul conversations that encourage, uplift and comfort one another.

Husbands and lovers come and go, but the bond between girlfriends is eternal.