Monday, December 26, 2005
Never Leaving Home
It was nightfall and the coolness of the evening was refreshing after another long, hot, and sticky day. I could see her silhouette reflected in the moonlight as we approached the place I had always called home. She seemed so much at peace. I was afraid to break the spell of the evening by calling out her name.
It had been too long since I had last seen her. The memory of my mother sitting on the porch on a cool summer’s eve, always brought a smile to the corner of my lips. Only this time, I suddenly realized as we approached my childhood home, that my mother wouldn’t be there. Instead, I would find the often-stern face of my younger sister, Renee; waiting as my sons and I returned to the one place, I knew I could always call home.
Driving down the streets of my childhood brought back so many forgotten memories. As I looked at the neighborhood where I had spent so many years growing, learning, and longing to get away from, I become conscious of the fact that no matter how far we travel away from home, we never truly leave.
I left home at the ripe old age of eighteen. Not by choice, but because I knew more than my mother did at the time. She felt it best that I put my great wealth of knowledge to use by caring for myself. Since her home had simply become a place that I sometimes stopped by to change clothes, voice my disdain at being treated like a child.
That first time that I moved, I had nothing to carry with me other than my seemingly endless amount of clothes and make-up. Actually, the only thing that I took with me that first night was my wounded pride and being thrown out of my mother’s house over some slight misunderstanding that I felt at the time had nothing to do with me.
I moved into my brother’s one bedroom apartment with him and his new wife for the first week, as they tried to convince me on how wrong I was in the situation. Since I already knew the answers to life at the wise old age of eighteen, there was no way possible that my mother could be right in her decision. Suddenly full of newfound eighteen-year-old pride, I refused to apologize but opted instead to become even more independent and move in with my grandmother.
Living with my grandmother did give me more freedom, or so I had assured myself. Yet, there was something missing from life that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Could it be that I couldn’t bring myself to argue with my grandmother about anything? She and my great-grandmother treated me like a ten-year-old.
I would cringe at the thought of “back-talking” my grandmother. So instead, I continued to work and save money so that one day, I could move once again. That day came just over a year later.
I had found a furnished studio apartment that was half the size of my current bedroom at my grandmothers, but who cared? It would be mine. My very own place to live, out from under the watchful eyes of my nosy, albeit loving female family members.
Once again, with clothes and make-up in hand, and very little else, I moved. My little studio apartment became my first real stab at trying to be independent and on my own.
I was in for a rude awakening when I realized that I was the one who had to pay my own bills. I didn’t have the extra cash flow that had once been the source of my joy as I continued to build my closet instead of a bank account. Not only that, I now had to learn to cook for myself.
Ah, but the thrill of being an adult, making my own decisions, coming and going as I pleased, was heaven! Or so I thought. As the months progressed, I realized that I had no idea what it took to be a responsible adult.
There always seemed to be more bills than money coming in. Additionally, I was dating a musician who traveled a lot. For some strange reason, when he was in town, he actually must have thought we lived together. He spent constant nights at my place, eating my food, sleeping in my bed, driving my car; never contributing a dime to my existence. I did the only sensible thing a twenty-one year old could do in my situation. I moved home.
I had gained a new respect for my mother and her sense of responsibility. This time around, my mother and I seemed to get along much better. I tended to listen to her a little more and she treated me more like an adult.
I remained at home with my mother for a few more years. Life was good. Sure, I still had chores to do, but I didn’t have to pay any household bills. However, once again, I was free to shop for the latest in fashion to add to my already overwhelmed wardrobe collection.
Then one day, I announced to my mother that I was getting married. The young man that I had been dating had proposed and I accepted. I would prepare to move out of my mother’s house one last time or so I thought.
My father had died the year prior to me getting married. My brother, another sister, and I had all moved out on our own. The baby of the family, my youngest sister graduated and moved away to college. My mother’s house became a quiet and sometimes lonely place for the two remaining family members. My mother and my sister.
I would visit often and my mother and I would usually spend hours playing her favorite game. Backgammon. Then one day, my mother was gone. No longer would she be there to be my safe refuge in the storm. But her house would.
So once again, I find myself moving my clothes, make-up and a few extra things home. This time I bring my two sons; home to find refuge in the place that always offers shelter, comfort and a place to rest before the next move.
It had been too long since I had last seen her. The memory of my mother sitting on the porch on a cool summer’s eve, always brought a smile to the corner of my lips. Only this time, I suddenly realized as we approached my childhood home, that my mother wouldn’t be there. Instead, I would find the often-stern face of my younger sister, Renee; waiting as my sons and I returned to the one place, I knew I could always call home.
Driving down the streets of my childhood brought back so many forgotten memories. As I looked at the neighborhood where I had spent so many years growing, learning, and longing to get away from, I become conscious of the fact that no matter how far we travel away from home, we never truly leave.
I left home at the ripe old age of eighteen. Not by choice, but because I knew more than my mother did at the time. She felt it best that I put my great wealth of knowledge to use by caring for myself. Since her home had simply become a place that I sometimes stopped by to change clothes, voice my disdain at being treated like a child.
That first time that I moved, I had nothing to carry with me other than my seemingly endless amount of clothes and make-up. Actually, the only thing that I took with me that first night was my wounded pride and being thrown out of my mother’s house over some slight misunderstanding that I felt at the time had nothing to do with me.
I moved into my brother’s one bedroom apartment with him and his new wife for the first week, as they tried to convince me on how wrong I was in the situation. Since I already knew the answers to life at the wise old age of eighteen, there was no way possible that my mother could be right in her decision. Suddenly full of newfound eighteen-year-old pride, I refused to apologize but opted instead to become even more independent and move in with my grandmother.
Living with my grandmother did give me more freedom, or so I had assured myself. Yet, there was something missing from life that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Could it be that I couldn’t bring myself to argue with my grandmother about anything? She and my great-grandmother treated me like a ten-year-old.
I would cringe at the thought of “back-talking” my grandmother. So instead, I continued to work and save money so that one day, I could move once again. That day came just over a year later.
I had found a furnished studio apartment that was half the size of my current bedroom at my grandmothers, but who cared? It would be mine. My very own place to live, out from under the watchful eyes of my nosy, albeit loving female family members.
Once again, with clothes and make-up in hand, and very little else, I moved. My little studio apartment became my first real stab at trying to be independent and on my own.
I was in for a rude awakening when I realized that I was the one who had to pay my own bills. I didn’t have the extra cash flow that had once been the source of my joy as I continued to build my closet instead of a bank account. Not only that, I now had to learn to cook for myself.
Ah, but the thrill of being an adult, making my own decisions, coming and going as I pleased, was heaven! Or so I thought. As the months progressed, I realized that I had no idea what it took to be a responsible adult.
There always seemed to be more bills than money coming in. Additionally, I was dating a musician who traveled a lot. For some strange reason, when he was in town, he actually must have thought we lived together. He spent constant nights at my place, eating my food, sleeping in my bed, driving my car; never contributing a dime to my existence. I did the only sensible thing a twenty-one year old could do in my situation. I moved home.
I had gained a new respect for my mother and her sense of responsibility. This time around, my mother and I seemed to get along much better. I tended to listen to her a little more and she treated me more like an adult.
I remained at home with my mother for a few more years. Life was good. Sure, I still had chores to do, but I didn’t have to pay any household bills. However, once again, I was free to shop for the latest in fashion to add to my already overwhelmed wardrobe collection.
Then one day, I announced to my mother that I was getting married. The young man that I had been dating had proposed and I accepted. I would prepare to move out of my mother’s house one last time or so I thought.
My father had died the year prior to me getting married. My brother, another sister, and I had all moved out on our own. The baby of the family, my youngest sister graduated and moved away to college. My mother’s house became a quiet and sometimes lonely place for the two remaining family members. My mother and my sister.
I would visit often and my mother and I would usually spend hours playing her favorite game. Backgammon. Then one day, my mother was gone. No longer would she be there to be my safe refuge in the storm. But her house would.
So once again, I find myself moving my clothes, make-up and a few extra things home. This time I bring my two sons; home to find refuge in the place that always offers shelter, comfort and a place to rest before the next move.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Comparing Today's Woman to the Women of the Bible
Many of us believe that what we women of today are experiencing is a new thing. We think that sin; adultery, prostitution, abuse, neglect, the hurt, anger and every other negative situation is something new that is happening to us. We are the only ones who have to deal with cheating spouses, wayward children, jealousies, being lied on, and talked about, being mistreated and being misused. We are the first ones that have had to raise our children as single parents without enough resources to support them or ourselves.
We are the first to be broken, bitter, and bruised. We are the first ones who have had to make a choice to follow the world or to follow Jesus. We are the first ones who have been tempted because of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. We are the first ones to be without hope, full of despair with nowhere to turn. We are the first ones to be ridiculed for our beliefs, our principles, and our desire to follow Christ.
We are the first to go against the word of God in our pursuit to find love, to fill a void in our lives. We are the first ones to make the wrong choices that have led to years and years of pain and anguish. We are the first to pray and pray about our situations and circumstances and our prayers seem to go unanswered.
Well, as I began to study the women of the bible, I realized that these very same women of the bible have already dealt with everything, every situation that we are dealing with right here, right now.
Hannah was barren, prayed, and prayed for years to God to give her a child.
But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the LORD had closed her womb. And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat. Then Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the LORD. And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the LORD and wept in anguish. 1 Samuel 1:5-10
Lot’s wife was destroyed because even though God showed her mercy and because she was covered under the grace of her husband through Abraham, she couldn’t turn away from the sin she had grown accustomed to.
But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. Genesis 19:26
The Samarian woman that Jesus met at the well went from one relationship to another. She was shacking up with a man. She was willing to be scorned and ridiculed by everyone around her, for the sake of having a man. Living with a man, even a man that was not her husband.
The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, "I have no husband,' for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly." John 4:17-18.
Naomi had allowed her heart to become bitter and blamed God because of the circumstances of her life. Losing her husband and her only two sons and being left alone in the world with nothing.
"Don't call me Naomi, [Naomi means pleasant; also in verse 21]” she told them. "Call me Mara, [Mara means bitter.] Because the Almighty [Hebrew Shaddai; also in verse 21] has made my life very bitter. Ruth 1:20
Gomer, a woman who had been a prostitute who was redeemed at the request of God and married a prophet, becoming an upright member of the religious community and a mother. Only to turn back to her sinful ways, committing adultery and once again becoming lost in a world of degradation, abuse, and abandonment.
When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD." So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. Hosea 1:2-4
Mary, mother of Jesus, who was faced with being ostracized from the community because she wasn’t married and was pregnant with child.
This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. Matthew 1:18-19
Mary and Martha, two sisters who were at odds because one was seeking Jesus and the other complaining. One looking for approval for her work and the other seeking God’s word.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42
Mary Magdalene, the adulterous woman who became a disciple of Christ, in spite of her circumstances.
There is no textual evidence to be found that supports the idea that Mary Magdalene (hereafter referred to as "MM") was a prostitute. The leading theory is that her identity was intentionally changed by Pope Gregory the Great, perhaps reflecting what was already popular opinion. The person of MM was conflated with those of Mary of Bethany and the anonymous sinner of Luke who anointed Jesus' feet. With that in mind, it is often assumed that the "sinner" who anointed Jesus' feet was a prostitute, and the connection is made. ~ Lesa Bellevie
Jezebel. A woman who was deceitful and manipulative. A woman who wanted things her way, no matter what.
The widow woman whose house Elijah went to who only had a sick son and enough flour and oil for one last meal. A woman who had enough faith, to listen to a prophet of God. A woman who trusted God.
So she said, "As the LORD your God lives, I do not have bread, only a handful of flour in a bin, and a little oil in a jar; and see, I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die." And Elijah said to her, "Do not fear; go and do as you have said, but make me a small cake from it first, and bring it to me; and afterward make some for yourself and your son. For thus says the LORD God of Israel: "The bin of flour shall not be used up, nor shall the jar of oil run dry, until the day the LORD sends rain on the earth."' So she went away and did according to the word of Elijah; and she and he and her household ate for many days. The bin of flour was not used up, nor did the jar of oil run dry, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke by Elijah. 1 Kings 17:12-16
These are just some of the example we have looked at. Do you see yourself or anyone you know as these women? A woman who wants so desperately to have children. A woman who may be on her way to salvation but just can’t seem to turn away from her past life. A Woman who goes from man to man never marrying any but shacking up with them all. Maybe you know an older woman who has become bitter because of the tragedies in her life. She has outlived everyone around her and is mad at the world.Maybe you know someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personnel savior. Living the life of a Christian for many years until, something happens that sends her into a tailspin and causes her to lose her faith. How many unwed mothers do you know? Who do you know who is constantly working at the church or in service to the Lord but always complaining about how much they do and know little everyone else is doing. Or how about the woman who used to be the biggest sinner of them all, but has totally given her life to Christ.But there is one woman here that we all see daily. Even in the church. Jezebel. A woman who wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it, whenever she wants it, no matter what. She doesn’t care who she hurts along the way. She doesn’t care about stepping on others or even ruining the lives of others. She preaches the word of God but still fornicates. She talks about who’s sleeping with whom and she herself is probably sleeping with someone else’s husband. She will take what she wants, not because she needs it but rather because you have denied her, she will show you and take what she wants anyway.However, one of my favorite types of women are the women who don’t have anything but God. They share with you no matter how little they themselves have. They aren’t trying to see what everyone else is doing or what everyone else has, her only concern is that she remains faithful to God no matter what is going on around her. Even when she has only enough for one more meal, when God says give it away she does. Do you want to know why? Because she trusts God enough to accept what ever he has for her.She trusts God enough not to become concerned about tomorrow, or even what may lay in wait at the end of the day. When the man of God spoke, she became submissive to his word and did all that he asked. Then you know what happened? God poured her out a blessing she didn’t have room enough to receive.
We are the first to be broken, bitter, and bruised. We are the first ones who have had to make a choice to follow the world or to follow Jesus. We are the first ones who have been tempted because of unfulfilled hopes and dreams. We are the first ones to be without hope, full of despair with nowhere to turn. We are the first ones to be ridiculed for our beliefs, our principles, and our desire to follow Christ.
We are the first to go against the word of God in our pursuit to find love, to fill a void in our lives. We are the first ones to make the wrong choices that have led to years and years of pain and anguish. We are the first to pray and pray about our situations and circumstances and our prayers seem to go unanswered.
Well, as I began to study the women of the bible, I realized that these very same women of the bible have already dealt with everything, every situation that we are dealing with right here, right now.
Hannah was barren, prayed, and prayed for years to God to give her a child.
But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the LORD had closed her womb. And her rival also provoked her severely, to make her miserable, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it was, year by year, when she went up to the house of the LORD, that she provoked her; therefore she wept and did not eat. Then Elkanah her husband said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?" So Hannah arose after they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat by the doorpost of the tabernacle of the LORD. And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the LORD and wept in anguish. 1 Samuel 1:5-10
Lot’s wife was destroyed because even though God showed her mercy and because she was covered under the grace of her husband through Abraham, she couldn’t turn away from the sin she had grown accustomed to.
But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. Genesis 19:26
The Samarian woman that Jesus met at the well went from one relationship to another. She was shacking up with a man. She was willing to be scorned and ridiculed by everyone around her, for the sake of having a man. Living with a man, even a man that was not her husband.
The woman answered and said, "I have no husband." Jesus said to her, "You have well said, "I have no husband,' for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly." John 4:17-18.
Naomi had allowed her heart to become bitter and blamed God because of the circumstances of her life. Losing her husband and her only two sons and being left alone in the world with nothing.
"Don't call me Naomi, [Naomi means pleasant; also in verse 21]” she told them. "Call me Mara, [Mara means bitter.] Because the Almighty [Hebrew Shaddai; also in verse 21] has made my life very bitter. Ruth 1:20
Gomer, a woman who had been a prostitute who was redeemed at the request of God and married a prophet, becoming an upright member of the religious community and a mother. Only to turn back to her sinful ways, committing adultery and once again becoming lost in a world of degradation, abuse, and abandonment.
When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD." So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son. Hosea 1:2-4
Mary, mother of Jesus, who was faced with being ostracized from the community because she wasn’t married and was pregnant with child.
This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. Matthew 1:18-19
Mary and Martha, two sisters who were at odds because one was seeking Jesus and the other complaining. One looking for approval for her work and the other seeking God’s word.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!” “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42
Mary Magdalene, the adulterous woman who became a disciple of Christ, in spite of her circumstances.
There is no textual evidence to be found that supports the idea that Mary Magdalene (hereafter referred to as "MM") was a prostitute. The leading theory is that her identity was intentionally changed by Pope Gregory the Great, perhaps reflecting what was already popular opinion. The person of MM was conflated with those of Mary of Bethany and the anonymous sinner of Luke who anointed Jesus' feet. With that in mind, it is often assumed that the "sinner" who anointed Jesus' feet was a prostitute, and the connection is made. ~ Lesa Bellevie
Jezebel. A woman who was deceitful and manipulative. A woman who wanted things her way, no matter what.
The widow woman whose house Elijah went to who only had a sick son and enough flour and oil for one last meal. A woman who had enough faith, to listen to a prophet of God. A woman who trusted God.
So she said, "As the LORD your God lives, I do not have bread, only a handful of flour in a bin, and a little oil in a jar; and see, I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it, and die." And Elijah said to her, "Do not fear; go and do as you have said, but make me a small cake from it first, and bring it to me; and afterward make some for yourself and your son. For thus says the LORD God of Israel: "The bin of flour shall not be used up, nor shall the jar of oil run dry, until the day the LORD sends rain on the earth."' So she went away and did according to the word of Elijah; and she and he and her household ate for many days. The bin of flour was not used up, nor did the jar of oil run dry, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke by Elijah. 1 Kings 17:12-16
These are just some of the example we have looked at. Do you see yourself or anyone you know as these women? A woman who wants so desperately to have children. A woman who may be on her way to salvation but just can’t seem to turn away from her past life. A Woman who goes from man to man never marrying any but shacking up with them all. Maybe you know an older woman who has become bitter because of the tragedies in her life. She has outlived everyone around her and is mad at the world.Maybe you know someone who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personnel savior. Living the life of a Christian for many years until, something happens that sends her into a tailspin and causes her to lose her faith. How many unwed mothers do you know? Who do you know who is constantly working at the church or in service to the Lord but always complaining about how much they do and know little everyone else is doing. Or how about the woman who used to be the biggest sinner of them all, but has totally given her life to Christ.But there is one woman here that we all see daily. Even in the church. Jezebel. A woman who wants what she wants, when she wants it, how she wants it, whenever she wants it, no matter what. She doesn’t care who she hurts along the way. She doesn’t care about stepping on others or even ruining the lives of others. She preaches the word of God but still fornicates. She talks about who’s sleeping with whom and she herself is probably sleeping with someone else’s husband. She will take what she wants, not because she needs it but rather because you have denied her, she will show you and take what she wants anyway.However, one of my favorite types of women are the women who don’t have anything but God. They share with you no matter how little they themselves have. They aren’t trying to see what everyone else is doing or what everyone else has, her only concern is that she remains faithful to God no matter what is going on around her. Even when she has only enough for one more meal, when God says give it away she does. Do you want to know why? Because she trusts God enough to accept what ever he has for her.She trusts God enough not to become concerned about tomorrow, or even what may lay in wait at the end of the day. When the man of God spoke, she became submissive to his word and did all that he asked. Then you know what happened? God poured her out a blessing she didn’t have room enough to receive.
